


just a kiss

by banesarrow



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, Light Angst, M/M, Practice Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banesarrow/pseuds/banesarrow
Summary: "I mean, how do you even know that you don’t like kissing boys if you’ve never kissed one?”or, Neil has a question, Todd has an answer, and they try to prove it.(based on a scene from the book aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe)
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	just a kiss

One night, Todd and Neil were just hanging out in their shared dorm, Todd sitting in his bed and Neil sitting at his desk, working on a drawing, a new hobbie he picked up to fill the spare time between the winter and spring plays.

“Can I see?” asked Todd looking up from his book, rubbing the tiredness off his eyes.

“No," said Neil without even turning to look at him.

“When you finish?” the blonde insisted. Neil had been working on it for hours and he was getting curious.

“Yes. When I finish," conceded the boy after a few seconds of contemplation

“Okay,” said Todd, going back to his History book.

A long time had passed before Todd spoke again.

“Have you found another good poetry book for the meetings yet?” He asked, trying to distract himself from his homework before his brain exploded.

“No, not really," answered Neil and Todd frowned at his tone. He seemed a little distracted.

“Where are you, Neil?”

“Right here,” he said, finally turning around, resting his chin on the back of the chair. “I was thinking about what the boys keep saying” he said.

"You need to be a little more specific than that. It's the poets who we're talking about" Todd joked and Neil laughed, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"They keep talking about women and kissing women and… What if it's not a girl I'd like to kiss? Why is that not an option?"

“Oh,” said Todd, understanding what his roommate meant.

“I mean, how do you even know that you don’t like kissing boys if you’ve never kissed one?” 

“I think you just know,” said Todd, looking away from Neil, whose eyes were full of intensity, almost burning.

“Well, have you ever?” he asked.

“You know I haven’t," answered the blonde, hoping his cheeks didn't look as red as he felt them to be. "Have you?”

“No," said Neil, his expression unreadable. Suddenly he got up from his chair and crouched down in front of Todd. “I think we should try an experiment.” Todd looked at him with wide eyes.

“I know what you’re going to say and the answer is no.”

“You’re my best friend, right?” Neil asked, placing a hand over the blonde's wrist.

“Yes. But right now I’m really regretting it," he said looking down to his hands

“Let’s just try it. I won’t tell anyone. C’mon," the boy insisted.

“No.”

“Look, it’s just a kiss. You know. And then we’ll both know.”

“We already do know," mumbled Todd, still unable to look at the boy in front of him. He knew what would happen if he did.

“We won’t really know until we actually do it. Todd, please.” Something in Neil's voice made Todd look at him. Something almost desperate. And, when their eyes met, he could see it there too. Clearly it was something important to Neil, something that had been bothering him for a long time. And Todd knew he was screwed.

“Neil…" but Neil was already getting to his feet.

“Stand up.”

Todd didn't know why he did it, but he obeyed, standing in front of the boy.

“Close your eyes,” he said. So Todd closed his eyes, letting out a trembling breath.

And Neil kissed him. And he kissed him back.

And then he started really kissing him. And Todd pulled away, feeling a little dizzy, his thoughts blurry.

“Well?” asked Neil.

That was the winning question, wasn't it? But he couldn't let himself think about it too much. He just couldn't, not when every thought in his mind was being replaced with Neil. Neil's lips, Neil's smell, Neil's soft fingers like ghost touch on his hips...

“Didn’t work for me,” he lied, looking away.

“Nothing?” If Neil sounded disappointed that was all in Todd's head right?

“Nothing," he whispered.

“Okay. It sure worked for me," declared the boy, taking a few steps back.

“Yeah. I think I get that, Neil," muttered Todd, still not looking at him.

“So, well, that’s over with then, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you mad at me?” Neil asked, and the vulnerability on his voice almost broke Todd's heart.

“A little," he admitted. Because he was. Because if it wasn't for him and his stupid idea he wouldn't be feeling that way. He wouldn't have allowed that door to open. Neil sat down on his bed, and Todd finally looked at him. He looked sad, and if the voice had been an almost, seeing him like that definitely broke his heart. “I’m more mad at myself,” he said, as if it was any consolation. “I always let you talk me into things. It’s not your fault, at all”

“Yeah,” he whispered, looking down, and Todd would have wrapped him into his arms if he wasn't sure it would only make things worse.

“Don’t cry, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, his voice small and broken.

“You’re crying.”

“I’m not.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading it, and i hope you liked it!! find me on twitter (@sadiesbians) and tumblr (@wintersapphic)


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